1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,439 www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,919 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,839 Come and watch pikeys 4 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:12,839 making a mess of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs. 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,879 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 6 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:18,919 Stay away! 7 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,279 What sounds on earth could ever replace 8 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,599 kids needing money or wives in your face? 9 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,759 Cos' this, people reckon, and me included, 10 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,759 is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented. 11 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:36,879 To calm us all down, to stop us going mental. 12 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:40,879 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 13 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,359 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes. 14 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,679 You shit on our heads but you pay the taxes. 15 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,799 Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers, 16 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,239 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer. 17 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,919 Make poverty history! 18 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,439 Cheaper drugs now! 19 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:07,439 Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now! 20 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,479 Discussion groups, chat lines, support networks. 21 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,479 The new millennium, the age of the all-vocalising, all-emoting fuck-up. 22 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,399 Normal men and women spewing the contents of their troubled souls 23 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,919 into the ears of the uninterested, excreting the sorry waste of their 24 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,919 emotional innards into all manner of public places. 25 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:41,599 Pubs, telly, newspapers. 26 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:46,719 If only they'd zip it and heed their inner voice, the one that never lies. 27 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,919 The one that screams at you at the dead of night. Oh, aye. 28 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,919 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a repressed old fart than 29 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,999 open one's mouth and be discovered a babblin', self-obsessed fool. 30 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,359 Where his family's concerned, 31 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,679 Paddy Maguire's never been less than generous. 32 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,759 But a 50 grand blow would knock any man. 33 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,119 Mam. Settlement. 34 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,919 She set the business up with me, 35 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,399 so it's only fair she should get half the spoils. 36 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,399 But memories of our time together aren't going to keep me comfy in my old age. 37 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:27,199 I need to make serious hay now. There's a recession on, so people are what? 38 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,239 Skint. 39 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,239 So they borrow money. Then what? 40 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,279 So they borrow money. Then what? Can't pay it back. 41 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:34,279 And when these desperados want to forget what monumental fuck-ups their lives have become, they do what? 42 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,239 Get off their heads. 43 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,999 Get off their heads. Drug sales soar. Economic gloom equals a pay-day boom! 44 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,399 And I want you in on it. I want Manchester to know 45 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,479 that Maguire and Sons are back in business. 46 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,839 Not for me, Dad.Not for... 47 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:47,759 Count me in. 48 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,279 Count me in. Hang on, what do you mean? 49 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,439 We could make a killing! What are you on about? 50 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,999 I've got a family. Good of you to remember. 51 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,239 I've got Karen and Connor to think of now! 52 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,639 I've got Karen and Connor to think of now! You're barely scraping a living! 53 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,199 At least I'm not watching me back all the fuckin' time. 54 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,799 At least I'm not watching me back all the fuckin' time. And what about you?I'm in, Dad. 55 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,719 You still in possession of the bollocks you were born with? 56 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,959 You still in possession of the bollocks you were born with? Dad, I'm OK with moody weddings. 57 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,679 Oh, you're settling for OK? 58 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:06,719 I'm in. 59 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,159 Never thought I'd see the day. 60 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,159 Sons of mine, gutless, pussy-whipped. There's more loyalty in those little 61 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,159 rats I pay to sell the gear on the estate. 62 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:14,999 Look, Dad... 63 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:15,599 Look, Dad... Get out, all of you. 64 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,639 Look, Dad... Get out, all of you. I wouldn't mind... 65 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:20,159 Go on, out! 66 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:24,159 Fuck off! 67 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,799 You did say no? 68 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,959 Course I said no. 69 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,839 You sound like you're sorry for him. 70 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,439 I am his son. 71 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:42,439 Yeah, and he's yours. 72 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:46,919 Oh, what? 73 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,359 "Wooh! I'm going to be the best dressed baby in Chatsworth! Yay!" 74 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,519 Christ, Karen, a 150 quid? 75 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,999 For him to puke all over it? 76 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,999 Get it back, get a refund. 77 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,119 Hello? I'd like to place an order, please. 78 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:39,599 Christ, Carl! Watch where you're putting it! That was trap two! 79 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,319 I was the only one willing to go along with Dad. 80 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,519 He totally blanked me. 81 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,919 That's cos you're an ideas person, like him. 82 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,039 A thinker, cerebral. 83 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,399 More brains than a service station pastie. 84 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,399 Now, eh, those balloons aren't going to blow themselves up, are they? 85 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,879 I mean, I'm an inspired shag, me. 86 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,399 But bum sex? 87 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,039 Why would he want to do that? 88 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,559 You should ask him how he'd like it. 89 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,799 Mm! 90 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,799 About Sunday. We're welcoming our little man into God's family. 91 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,599 It's a celebration, yes, but it's a holy day. 92 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,159 So any talk of whoring or crack pipes is right off. Yeah? 93 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,559 I'll see you later. 94 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,839 See you later, Max. I think I can manage that for you, Mimi. 95 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,239 Oh, and if you think I'm cocking up on me godmum duties, 96 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,719 I'm sure you won't hesitate to pull me. 97 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,719 Oh, there's nothing to worry about there. Because Concepta, my cousin, 98 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,199 she's godmum now. 99 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,319 What? 100 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,279 With the dancing and touring,poor love never got chance to havekids. 101 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,399 So I thought it'd be nice for her to have 102 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,519 a little one she can be close to. 103 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,519 You don't begrudge her having a godson, do you? 104 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,279 Heard the latest from your mother? 105 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,519 Me and you have been dumped as godparents, 106 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,559 cos her cousin and her bloke are a more glamorous option. 107 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,519 No, it's just you who's been dumped. 108 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,119 Concepta ain't got a bloke. 109 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,359 You're still godfather? 110 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,919 She only... Uh, she only told me this morning. 111 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,759 And what was your reaction when mummy dearest hit you with that one? 112 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,279 And what was your reaction when mummy dearest hit you with that one? I'm... I'm not arsed, Kel. 113 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,919 Your girlfriend gets shat on from a great height by your mother 114 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,559 and you're not arsed? 115 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,519 That's not what I meant! Kel! 116 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,199 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oops-a-daisy. 117 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,879 Really looking forward to Sunday. 118 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,639 Be nice to have all the family under one roof again. 119 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,279 I think it's time we settled up. 120 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:40,439 For the christening? Come on, 50-50. 121 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:41,959 Paddy, honest, I'm really flush. 122 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,679 Paddy, honest, I'm really flush. Mimi, chuck yourself under the King's horse, 123 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,119 gaze at your chuff in a mirror, but please, 124 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,759 in the spirit of equality, tell me what I owe. 125 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,759 OK, you win. 500. 126 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,199 You only do it once, don't you? 127 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:00,199 I'll fetch it for you right away. 128 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,839 Dad? 129 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,159 Why don't you just help him collect? 130 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,359 God knows, you could do with the readies. 131 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,199 God knows, you could do with the readies. I've told you why. 132 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,919 Well, if not to boost your income, then to keep an eye out for him. 133 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,839 You know better than anyone what it's like out there. 134 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,839 You know better than anyone what it's like out there. Dad's covered. Got some lads helping him out. 135 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,879 Has he bollocks! What's he going to pay them with, Jamie? 136 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,879 There's more brass on a string quartet than on your dad just now. 137 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,519 Think about it. 138 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:27,559 No! 139 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,559 Now can we just leave it, please? 140 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,719 30 grams of coke, 100 of cannabis. 141 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,999 I'll be expecting two grand back. 142 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,999 Anything you make on top is yours. 143 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,719 Problem? 144 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,079 How are we supposed to make owt on that?Get creative. 145 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,559 So, besides hiking up the costs 146 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,799 or mixing the gear, have you got any other creative suggestions? 147 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,799 People ain't thick. They know what they want and how much it costs. 148 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:08,039 All right, all right. 149 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:12,479 1,800. 150 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:16,479 Make it quick if you value your kneecaps. 151 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,839 We've been over this. He's wearing that one. 152 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,279 We've been over this. He's wearing that one. Cos you've got to keep your mother sweet. 153 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:30,279 She's paying for everything because you managed to spend every penny I put aside. 154 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,319 For when he starts on solids. It's the business. Anyway, 155 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,639 you can take that look off your face cos I know what you're thinking. 156 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,639 "It's all about Connor now." 157 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,279 Better to spend 200 on something and wear it 100 times, than 30 quid and only wear it once. 158 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,519 Jamie, it's not every day your first born's... 159 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:04,039 Karen? Karen?! 160 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,279 What is it, what's wrong? 161 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,639 What is it, what's wrong? What's going on? 162 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,879 Karen! 163 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,319 What is it? What are you looking for? 164 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:21,319 Karen. What's going on? 165 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,359 The baby. 166 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,559 Where is he? 167 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:29,559 When's the last time you had him, Karen?! 168 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,999 Mum, get upstairs! Check, quick! 169 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,279 Connor... 170 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,239 Shane, Mickey! Connor's missing! I'll check the shops, 171 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,399 check the bus stop, tell everyone you see he's missing! 172 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,399 Get Carl, Ian, fuckin' everyone! Find him, Mickey! 173 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,639 Aw, come on! 174 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,199 Carl I need your... 175 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:05,199 I need your help when you've... finished. 176 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,599 You stupid... 177 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,399 Leave the girl alone! 178 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,319 How the fuck do you forget where you leave your own son?! 179 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,319 Do you think she really needs telling, Jamie?! 180 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,879 BABY GURGLES 181 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,159 Oh, thank God! 182 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,199 Oh, Joe, thank fuck! 183 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,879 Said she'd only be five minutes. 184 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,279 Asked me to take him while she popped into Yvonne's. 185 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:39,799 Everyone was smoking in there. 186 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,799 My mobile goes, I'm yapping away, I turn around and she's gone. 187 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,359 I forgot... 188 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,079 I forgot. 189 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,439 Be the excitement of the christening and that. 190 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,519 Ah, cheers, Joe. 191 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,959 Drink? 192 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,959 No, I'm driving. Thanks anyway. Later, yeah? 193 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,879 Delivery, mate. 194 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,879 I'm sorry. 195 00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:11,139 I'm just off to pick up t'cake. 196 00:11:11,140 --> 00:11:15,139 Running errands for the bitch that's coming between us. What sort of servile cretin are you? 197 00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:18,979 I'd like you to watch your mouth. And I'd like you to keep your nose out of our business. 198 00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:20,059 She's not coming between us. 199 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:23,819 She is. And she's doing it by running me down. 200 00:11:23,820 --> 00:11:26,499 And you're no innocent bystander. 201 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:29,019 You're her fuckin' accomplice! 202 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:30,739 He's running a family errand. 203 00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:34,739 To fetch a cake for a baptism that I should have been godmother at. 204 00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:35,739 She didn't mean anything personal. 205 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:39,419 It's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's been shafted. 206 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,419 Do you want me to tell her I can't be godfather no more? 207 00:11:41,420 --> 00:11:45,419 Do you want me to tell her I can't be godfather no more? I want you to fight my corner! 208 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:54,899 You've no idea, have you? The effect this had on me, how touched I was, 209 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:58,899 how it made me feel that Karen and Jamie thought that I was good enough to be godmother to their son. 210 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,739 I was walking on air! 211 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,699 And I wanted to do it right, 212 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:08,459 do Connor proud. 213 00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:12,379 Not just turn up, hold the kid by the font and then get hammered at the do 214 00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:15,339 like every other godparent I have ever come across! 215 00:12:15,340 --> 00:12:19,339 OK, you want it sorted? I'll sort it. 216 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:30,619 I didn't do it to hurt Kelly, son. I did it to protect her. 217 00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:34,019 She probably can't bless herself right, never mind reel off the Creed. 218 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,499 I don't think I can any more. 219 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,459 More the need for Concepta, then. 220 00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:41,699 She's blood. She'll always be around. 221 00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:45,699 I hate to say this, but what if Kelly traps off with some loaded punter? 222 00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:51,019 Any one of us could fuck off at any time. You and Dad split up. 223 00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:55,259 Yeah. But we've got responsibilities that bind us forever more. 224 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:58,059 Apart from the dollop of lust and love, you two have nothin'. 225 00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,779 Apart from the dollop of lust and love, you two have nothin'. What are you getting out of this? 226 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:03,059 You've got loads of godkids you never even see, so you know it's a load of shit. 227 00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:05,819 Your beloved write those lines, did she? 228 00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:09,819 I've had enough of you and my dad trying to run my life, trying to fuck things up for me. 229 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,619 I'm not your little boy any more. 230 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:17,939 And I'm telling you right now, 231 00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:21,939 back off. 232 00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:28,339 You OK now? 233 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:32,339 Embarrassed, more than anything. 234 00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:33,339 I'm sorry. 235 00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,899 Yeah, so am I. 236 00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:38,179 My head's done in, with everything. 237 00:13:38,180 --> 00:13:39,779 Hey, just think. 238 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:43,779 After the christening, it's all over. 239 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,459 No need to thank me. 240 00:14:04,460 --> 00:14:06,139 Fuck...off. 241 00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:10,139 Right, before I do, there's something I'd like to get off me chest. Jamie, mate! 242 00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:15,419 Let's let Jamie in on our little secret. 243 00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:18,299 Oh, cheer up, Karen. Confession's good for the soul. 244 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:19,539 He'll kill you. 245 00:14:19,540 --> 00:14:20,699 I'm ready for him this time. 246 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:21,659 He won't believe you. 247 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:25,659 He won't believe you. Oh, so he hasn't noticed the mole between your tits or the birthmark on your left arse cheek? 248 00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:31,139 Or the way you dig your nails into the back of his neck when you come? 249 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:36,499 Something you should know. 250 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,459 Your mam's invited me to Sunday's do. 251 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:44,459 I've heard the delivery nurse is always at Maguire christenings. Just checking that's cool with you. 252 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:49,019 Yeah, well you've been there twice for the little fella. How could I say no? 253 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,459 See you later. 254 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:54,459 Yeah. 255 00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:12,939 What's that? 256 00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:16,939 This is Back-Door Bertie. Our mutual fuck buddy. 257 00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:20,659 Yeah, right. Well, he can fuck off. 258 00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:23,779 I thought you wanted to indulge in a little dark star penetration? 259 00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:27,779 I do, but... But that? There's no pleasure for you sticking that in me. 260 00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,779 Well, maybe not, but you might love it. 261 00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:33,899 An' I'm all about giving, me. 262 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,899 Imagine, the pair of us casting off our arse innocence together. 263 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:41,899 What could be more romantic and binding? 264 00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:46,419 I promise I'll be gentle, Carl. 265 00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:52,299 You're certainly in the minority. 266 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,539 Bet hardly any straight blokes take it. 267 00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:57,859 I dunno. What's the difference between a straight man and a gay man? 268 00:15:57,860 --> 00:15:59,699 Six cans of lager. 269 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,899 I'm not taking, I'm just... Considering possibilities. 270 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:05,619 If you're thinking it, you're halfway there. 271 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:08,699 Yeah, well, me and Max are tight. And what's good for the goose... 272 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,979 What advice would you give your little brother, Ian? 273 00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:13,819 Absolutely fuckin' none. I'm not talking bum sex with him! 274 00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:16,219 Be different if it was pussy though. 275 00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:20,219 I tell you what, once you've made contact with Mr G spot, you'll kill yourself for not hooking up sooner. 276 00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:23,139 Don't it hurt, though? 277 00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:26,419 Well, you can't do the full monty straight off. 278 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:27,099 You've got to work up to it. 279 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,699 You've got to work up to it. How? 280 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,979 Well, start small and plenty of lube. 281 00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:33,339 Lubrication. 282 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:36,579 Bit of spit always does it for me if I'm ever caught short. 283 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:40,579 Just let your mind open up to the possibilities and your arse'll follow. 284 00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:44,179 And you're a Catholic, yeah, like me? 285 00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:47,419 So the guilt'll just add to the sheer thrill of it all. 286 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:51,419 So, to recap, you start small, work your way up. 287 00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:58,899 (BARKS) 288 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:10,019 I fucking hate dogs. Little disease-spreading shit machines! 289 00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:11,379 Karen. 290 00:17:11,380 --> 00:17:15,379 You look tired. Come on. 291 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:22,499 Living over a pub's hardly peaceful. 292 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:26,499 And I know Mimi's decibel level isn't always within legal limits. 293 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:31,899 Here. 294 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:34,579 My place. 295 00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:37,659 It can be your little oasis. 296 00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,579 I want to help, Karen. 297 00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:42,219 Let's face it, 298 00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:46,219 I'm the nearest thing you've got to a dad and you're the nearest thing I've got to a daughter now. 299 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:44,219 Shit! 300 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,899 If that's my consolation prize, you can stick it up your arse. 301 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:59,699 I tried my best, Kel. Just seems like she's not having it. 302 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:01,819 She say why? Yeah, the religion thing. 303 00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:05,819 You know and I know, the reason she gave me the elbow is cos she can't stand a low-down. 304 00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:10,419 Me, being in the limelight. 305 00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:13,179 Don't think you've got any fears there, Kelly. 306 00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:16,899 In the New Testament, Matthew never condemns prostitution. 307 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:20,899 Turning to the Old Testament, in the book of Hosea, God says 308 00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:25,219 he'd never punish the daughters of Israel for selling themselves. 309 00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:29,219 And besides, you're a masseuse. 310 00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:40,379 How could ya? If you didn't want him wearing it, you could've just said. 311 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:42,259 What's going on? 312 00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,339 Look what she did! 313 00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:48,339 Her, who I've treated like me own daughter. 314 00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:49,619 I ironed it. 315 00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,779 Sorry, I didn't even notice. 316 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:56,779 You didn't want Connor wearing it and thought if you ruined it, he wouldn't have to! 317 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,819 Mimi, I can assure you, I would never do something like that. 318 00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:03,819 This was my grandmother's, an' her mother before that. 319 00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:08,419 The names of my dead babies are woven into it. 320 00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:12,419 It was an accident. 321 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:17,659 DOOR SLAMS 322 00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:20,659 You don't believe me now? What sort of a mad bitch do you think I am? 323 00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:21,859 I'm beginning to wonder. 324 00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:24,059 Right. 325 00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:25,339 I'll sort it. 326 00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:28,939 I'll fucking sort it! 327 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:32,939 I will sort it! 328 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:39,579 RIPS 329 00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:45,659 The mark's do-able, but the tear... 330 00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,979 But with it being crocheted, we should be able to hide it nicely. 331 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,459 Brilliant. 332 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:55,459 Problem is, this is Irish crochet and I only do the filet. 333 00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:58,619 But my sister-in-law Mary is good at the Irish, mind. 334 00:20:58,620 --> 00:21:02,499 But the silk thread don't come cheap. 335 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:04,579 KNOCK ON DOOR 336 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,499 Shit! 337 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:07,339 Get me out of here! 338 00:21:07,340 --> 00:21:08,899 Get me out of here! In there. 339 00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,259 Just a minute. > 340 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:15,019 Hi, Mimi. Come in. 341 00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:16,379 What can I do for you, love? 342 00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:19,819 Well, I'm not here to have me clit flicked. Need a word with Kelly. 343 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,819 Oh, she's tied up just now. 344 00:21:24,620 --> 00:21:28,459 I've had a word with Paddy and Shane and they had a thing or two to say. 345 00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:31,259 And I've decided to rethink the whole godmother thing. 346 00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:34,899 Concepta's sound but, on balance, I feel your case is stronger. 347 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,139 What? 348 00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:40,139 You're more grounded. Even when she isn't high, her head's still in the clouds. 349 00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:41,979 And you only live round the corner. 350 00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:45,819 If a crisis strikes, what good's she propping up the Waldorf bar? 351 00:21:45,820 --> 00:21:49,819 An' despite having more male customers than Burton's, I feel your heart's in the right place. 352 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:53,499 You'll do for me. 353 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,459 Deal? 354 00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:58,459 Deal. 355 00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:03,259 See ya. 356 00:22:12,620 --> 00:22:14,139 Get out. 357 00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:18,139 What sort of a welcome's that, eh? 358 00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:37,699 She once told me that her... 359 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:41,699 ..that her big dream was to go skinny-dipping at night in Crete. 360 00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:48,059 I kept her messages on me mobile so I can hear her voice. 361 00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:05,059 (SOBS) 362 00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:28,179 If there's yellow stuff in it, it's not cancer. 363 00:23:28,180 --> 00:23:30,379 I put sweet corn in that pasta dish. 364 00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:33,459 I were trying out some brown-eye action with a party blower. 365 00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:36,539 But when I took it out, the nozzle got stuck. 366 00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:37,779 I can't get it out. Will you try? 367 00:23:37,780 --> 00:23:41,779 Ooooh! Sorry, Carl, anal extractions didn't feature on my auxiliary training course. 368 00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:46,179 You don't need a qualification to work out what's got to be done! 369 00:23:46,180 --> 00:23:48,379 No, but you do need equipment. 370 00:23:48,380 --> 00:23:51,539 Didn't fancy wasting me whole Friday night in AandE, 371 00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:53,179 Whoa, we're not going there! 372 00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:57,179 They won't bat an eyelid. Had a vicar in last week, he had a 12-inch candle up him. 373 00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:00,379 Said he fell backwards putting up curtains! You're nowt special. 374 00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:03,259 Said he fell backwards putting up curtains! You're nowt special. I'm not going, Max. 375 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:03,819 PARTY BLOWER SQUEAKS 376 00:24:03,820 --> 00:24:07,819 What was that? 377 00:24:09,460 --> 00:24:12,099 Any bit of wind an' it goes off. 378 00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:15,299 It's like having an internal mouth organ. 379 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:19,299 Hey, Carl, give us a tune before you go. 380 00:24:25,060 --> 00:24:29,059 How much was lifted? 381 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:37,899 OK, OK. I'll be right with you. 382 00:24:51,420 --> 00:24:55,419 Just what I fucking need! 383 00:24:55,980 --> 00:24:59,979 FRONT DOOR CLOSES 384 00:25:11,060 --> 00:25:15,059 I love you. 385 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:19,459 Don't fuck up! 386 00:25:19,460 --> 00:25:23,459 I won't. 387 00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:30,899 Who the fuck am I? 388 00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:33,219 Who the...fuck...am I? 389 00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:35,979 Mr Maguire, Mr Maguire! 390 00:25:35,980 --> 00:25:38,739 So why are you treating me like Bill Gates or bloody Carnegie? 391 00:25:38,740 --> 00:25:42,179 You're a charity case all right, but not one I'm supporting. 392 00:25:42,180 --> 00:25:46,179 So, where the fuck's my money? 393 00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:53,339 As it's small, a little irrigation'll budge it. 394 00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:55,499 As me vac's being serviced anyway. 395 00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,619 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 396 00:25:57,620 --> 00:26:00,339 Every other day I do a rectal removal. 397 00:26:00,340 --> 00:26:04,339 I dislodge, I douche, I dab some talc, and I return it to its wife. 398 00:26:04,460 --> 00:26:07,379 Come on, Carl. Drop 'em. 399 00:26:07,380 --> 00:26:08,459 Ready? 400 00:26:08,460 --> 00:26:12,459 SQUELCH 401 00:26:17,460 --> 00:26:19,059 Do I look stupid? 402 00:26:19,060 --> 00:26:21,699 He's out getting the rest now. 403 00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:23,499 There are some people in this world 404 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:27,499 who learn their lessons well, take on board advice, move on 405 00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:31,059 and have relatively happy lives. And there are those that don't. 406 00:26:31,060 --> 00:26:32,619 You are obviously of the latter. 407 00:26:32,620 --> 00:26:34,339 Fuck you! 408 00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:36,779 You don't scare me! I know people. 409 00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:39,619 And once you're out of intensive care, you go see those people and 410 00:26:39,620 --> 00:26:41,259 ask them if they know Paddy Maguire! 411 00:26:41,260 --> 00:26:45,259 I guarantee they will. 412 00:26:45,940 --> 00:26:47,499 You've got... 413 00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:51,499 GUNSHOT 414 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:13,759 How's my favourite bum boy? 415 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,799 Last time I was slipping your Chrissy one, she said he was fine. 416 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:17,639 Paddy through there? 417 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,119 No, I'll give him a bell. 418 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,479 Been ringing him for ages, just keeps ringing out. 419 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:25,479 Yeah. 420 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,839 Two minutes, yeah? 421 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,359 Cheers, son. 422 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:34,079 Is me dad here? 423 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,159 Nipped out for the papers. 424 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:39,159 On a Saturday morning there's nothing that Mr Maguire and I like more than to talk current affairs 425 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,439 over a pot of Lady Grey. 426 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:42,879 Really? 427 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,879 Is he fuck here. 428 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,559 Sean's here with the delivery and Dad's not in. 429 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,639 You got three grand in the safe? 430 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,879 Do I look like a man who's got three grand in the safe? 431 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,679 You can set your watch by Sean. 432 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,279 Every Saturday at 12. Dad never misses him. 433 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,119 There's definitely something up. 434 00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:06,239 Pint of the darkstuff please, Jamie. 435 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:10,239 Three grand, me tips. 436 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,039 Karen all right? 437 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,279 Not every day you forget where your kid is, eh? 438 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,599 You weren't laughing the other day. 439 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,839 Nah ,she's fine. 440 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,039 And that is on the house. 441 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,199 Good, so long as the baby blues haven't struck. 442 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,719 She's just tired, that's all. 443 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,519 We both are. 444 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,079 Having a baby in the house really takes it out of you. 445 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,679 Mate of mine said that him and his missus are that knackered at the end of the day, 446 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,279 all they're fit for in bed is sleep. 447 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,199 Your love life's out the window, you're skint all the time, 448 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,119 strain was unbelievable. 449 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:43,639 Hey, but listen, he didn't have 450 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,319 what you and Karen have got, d'you know what I mean, mate?Jamie? 451 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:50,319 Yes, mate. 452 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,799 Here's the rascal. You wanna keep it? 453 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:53,279 Pass. 454 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,399 Should have it framed. Once it's been disinfected, obviously. 455 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,879 Health freaks would pay hundreds for this treatment. 456 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,159 If you know any, tell them I'll do it cheaper. 457 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,159 Cheers, Lillian. 458 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:06,159 It was all my pleasure. 459 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:10,999 I underestimated you. 460 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,039 How? 461 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,039 Never thought for a second you'd ever really consider being my bum chum. 462 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,479 So, how can I make it up to you? 463 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:26,199 You can have anything you like. 464 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:30,199 (FARTS) 465 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,079 (KNOCKS) 466 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,079 You OK? 467 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,279 We'll have to make a bit of "us" time, won't we? 468 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,279 We're more than just Mum and Dad. 469 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,639 Let's have a night out, eh? 470 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,759 Too much effort. 471 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,679 By the time we've booked a table, and found a sitter, done the feeds, 472 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:15,599 got his clothes sorted for the next day, got meself sorted, 473 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,279 all I'm fit for is bed. 474 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,279 Things'll get better, yeah? 475 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:26,999 I'm sorry. 476 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,519 I'm not complaining. 477 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,519 You and Connor are my world now. 478 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:39,839 If anything happened, 479 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,839 if anything damaged us, 480 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,999 I don't know what I'd do. 481 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,359 Hey, nothing is gonna damage us. 482 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:57,359 All right? 483 00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,159 Dad, it's Micky. 484 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:06,159 Give us a bell, yeah? 485 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,599 Peace offering. You know where the bar is. 486 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,479 I knew you said you'd sort it, but I didn't fancy your odds. 487 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:18,479 You know what, you lot probably mock those South Sea islanders, 488 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,199 with bones through their noses, performing their shaman rituals. 489 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:27,199 When, in fact, you are partaking in exactly the same bollocks. 490 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,639 About tomorrow, Frank, a verbal invite, do ya? 491 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,839 Be nice to see you there for Katie's sake. Free bar. 492 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,479 Oh, thanks Mimi, love, yeah I'll try and show me face. 493 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,479 But what I was about to say, is, 494 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:48,599 that common myths bind us. 495 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,279 Have either of you seen dad? 496 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:52,719 Am I some kind of babysitter now? 497 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,639 He's big boy, he can look after himself. 498 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,359 Help us look for him. 499 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:57,959 Micky, you know your dad. He'll be fine. 500 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,959 Get yourself a drink, sit yourself down and stop worrying. 501 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,719 He won't thank you for it. 502 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,159 What's up? 503 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,999 Seriously, what's up? 504 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,999 If he's as nice as you say he is he won't mind helping, will he? 505 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,039 Micky. Long time no see. 506 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,039 Ady. 507 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,199 How are things with you and the missus? 508 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:31,199 It's all right, he's a fully paid up member of the Uphill Shit Stabbers. 509 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:35,199 It's over. I came home one day and found herbang at it with the man next door. 510 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,519 Didn't think that'd bother ya. Not after what we got up to. 511 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,199 And the man over the road 512 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,999 and the man at the back and the man from next door but one. 513 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,199 So you've left, then? 514 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,919 Yeah, I've been living with an interior designer from Cambodia. 515 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,879 Can't string a sentence together, but the flat looks fantastic 516 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,879 and the things he can do with a wok have to be seen to be believed. 517 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,999 You should come round one night, both of you. 518 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,959 I'm here about my dad. He's missing. 519 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,399 Well, how long? 520 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:03,279 About 12 hours. 521 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,679 12 hours, I've been on benders longer than that! 522 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,479 He's never done this before. Ady, please, look, this isn't like him. 523 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,479 Something's happened, I know it, and no fucker'll believe me and you're my last hope. 524 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:15,679 Please, Ady, 525 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,879 you've gotta help us. 526 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,559 Please... 527 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,759 You're through to Paddy Maguire, leave a message. 528 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,279 Right and what should happen now is the base station will flag up 529 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:30,279 the phone's location. There we go. There we go. Got ya! 530 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,639 Dad it's me!Micky, Micky calm down. Can you hear me? 531 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,639 Paddy, Paddy. I am going to radio for help. 532 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:44,279 Thanks a million for finding him. 533 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:45,919 That was down to Micky. 534 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:49,919 He led the investigation. 535 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,399 This is all down to me. 536 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,839 Nah, it's not just you, Jamie. 537 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,319 It's neither of you. No-one's fault. 538 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,359 He knew the risks he was taking. 539 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,679 He asked for our help and we said no. 540 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,679 We let him down, Mum. All of us. 541 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,759 Well, nearly all of us. 542 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,559 Eating, sleeping. 543 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:24,759 Right. Grub's up! 544 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,959 You're pushing the boat out. 545 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,159 Well, we won't get to eat till the other side of the service so... 546 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:33,159 There won't be a service. 547 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,839 But this is Connor's big day. 548 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,319 Yeah, but not without my dad it isn't. 549 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:43,319 We're cancelling. Right, Mum? 550 00:34:44,720 --> 00:34:46,639 And how would we explain that to wee Connor? 551 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,639 All I need is a clean shirt and I'll be with you. 552 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:20,759 Patrick... 553 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:24,759 it's time. 554 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,359 You passed muster? 555 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,679 Eventually. 556 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:40,679 I believe in one God, the Father, Almighty, 557 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:46,479 maker of all things visible and invisible. 558 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:55,079 If you'd like to... 559 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,679 I'm not sure if I can. 560 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:10,239 It's just... 561 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:12,439 I don't actually believe in God. 562 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,439 But if I'm called on, I'll teach him to respect people, 563 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:20,639 no matter what they do or don't believe in, as long as they're decent. 564 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,919 And I'll pray to a God I'm not sure exists that he's loved. 565 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,959 I'm a prostitute, Father. 566 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:33,919 Ex junkie. But I know good from bad. 567 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:37,919 And if I can teach him that, it's job done, really. Isn't it? 568 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:45,559 I'm sorry if I've offended. 569 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,559 I just don't want to let Connor down. 570 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,559 Or meself. 571 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,919 Here, someone thought they were very clever phoning Concepta, 572 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:13,559 putting on a voice, telling her that her flight had been cancelled. 573 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:17,559 Only the thick fucking prick of a prankster forgot to withhold the number! 574 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:22,399 Didn't you, Shane?! 575 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:31,959 POP MUSIC PLAYS 576 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,879 Word's been put out. 577 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,879 Tell you what, whoever brings us that kid is gonna be well flush. 578 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:40,959 Who put the word out? 579 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,719 Me, J, Shane. 580 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:46,279 Well, you'd no fucking right. I'm the director of Maguire Limited. 581 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,199 I make the executive decisions. 582 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,799 He's gonna pay for this, Dad. 583 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,799 Risking your lives? For what? For what?! 584 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,679 No more of my cubs will die on my account! Call it off. 585 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,919 But he hurt you and they need to know no-one does that to our old man. 586 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:08,919 Are you fuckin' deaf? Call it off! 587 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,119 Hey, sexy. 588 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,839 What happened to that Long Wet Spicy Screw? 589 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,999 Was just savouring the thought. 590 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,799 Are those limes ready yet, babe? 591 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,799 Ahhh. 592 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,519 Is he any lighter now he's washed of mortal sin? 593 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,799 Didn't you fancy jumping in yourself, 594 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,239 taking a spiritual cleanse? 595 00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:50,039 You can't just turn up and get christened, Frank. 596 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,799 There is a program.Program! 597 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,039 But what would be the point, eh? 598 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:58,639 You'd only blot your copy book the next day. 599 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,519 You're like me, you are. 600 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:05,519 Lured by earthly pleasures. 601 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,519 How could you speak to Micky like that, in public? 602 00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:23,519 The only one who you wouldn't invite into the business, but the only one who went out looking for you. 603 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,959 Call yourself a father. 604 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:37,599 Bang! Bang! 605 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,639 I thought raspberries were your favourite. 606 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,799 Not when they're covered in melted cow bone! 607 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:52,799 The more I demanded, the more she dug in! 608 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,679 The call was a last resort. 609 00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,319 I just...I just wanted to make it good. 610 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:04,319 I want a man, Shane, a grown-up. 611 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,879 But until I find one, suppose I'll have to make do with you! 612 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,879 Shit, I'm sorry!For fuck's sake! 613 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,879 Why don't you go back to theloo where you've come from,clean up? 614 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,359 She's a slut. 615 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,159 D'you know what? 616 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:41,119 Paddy nearly died yesterday and it woke me up to something. 617 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:45,119 Life's too short. I'm not going to waste my life waiting for you, Karen. 618 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,199 You've got two men in your life. Why can't I have two women? 619 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:58,079 Look at that. Looks like a platypus on safari. 620 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,479 What the fuck did you just say? 621 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,279 Nothing, Paddy. A platypus on safari?! 622 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,199 That's right, run, you yellow-bellied gob-shite. 623 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:14,199 Utter another word that's less than kind, and I'll do what mother nature should've done 50 years ago. 624 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,799 I'll erase you for good! 625 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,919 Nice one, Dad. How do you think she's feeling now? 626 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:39,479 Listen.You know something, Paddy, you make the china shop bull 627 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,519 look socially deft. 628 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:45,519 I was protecting my family, like any good father should. 629 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:51,439 Is that so contemptible? 630 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:57,479 If you don't tell mewhat you want, I can't help you. She's doing my head in. 631 00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,879 What's wrong with Katie now? 632 00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:03,879 The kiddies entertainer, the fella you elbowed?With the broken nose? 633 00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,959 He won't be performing now. 634 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,639 Once upon a time, 635 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,639 there was a King who lived in a mighty castle. 636 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:23,039 He had all the things a man could wish for. 637 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,399 But he was a lonely King. 638 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,399 That's right. There was something missing. 639 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:33,439 Are you with me so far? 640 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:37,439 Then one day, he came across a gorgeous young woman. 641 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:43,359 And before too long, they were madly, madly in love. 642 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:49,559 And the gods blessed them with beautiful children. 643 00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:54,119 And he and his Queen loved them unconditionally. 644 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:59,319 But the Queen grew bored and looked to entertain herself. 645 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,399 Live her own life. 646 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:06,399 Without his family around him, without their love, he floundered 647 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,519 and he lost his crown. 648 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:16,319 His daughter tried to... 649 00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:20,319 He lost his family and he lost his Queen. 650 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,439 He watched as his Queen threw everything she had... 651 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:27,319 they had... 652 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:28,879 down the drain. 653 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,279 She wanted him dead. 654 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,279 Never thought that he might be in need of some fucking assistance. 655 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,159 Never thought that he might be actually 656 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:45,159 screaming out for some kind of help. 657 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,359 All he was looking for was someone... 658 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:53,359 anyone... 659 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:58,359 ..to fucking listen! 660 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:06,999 Just to fucking listen! 661 00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:13,159 That's all. 662 00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:18,399 That's all. 663 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,359 Right, 664 00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:42,359 we're off to bed. 665 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:48,679 Night, Mum. 666 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:53,919 Night, Mimi.Night, Karen. 667 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,319 We're gonna get off an' all. 668 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:08,319 'Ghandi, Collins, yer woman who wouldn't budge on the bus. 669 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:10,599 'All heroes. 670 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,599 'All freedom fighters. 671 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:21,399 'Few will ever be known for grand acts of courage like them. 672 00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,519 'But the taking of any liberty, 673 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:27,519 'whether it's freeing yourself to love, or speaking what your heart truly feels, now that takes balls.' 674 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:34,519 Night. Pull the door to. 675 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:41,199 'Breaking the shackles of mental and emotional incarceration. 676 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,879 'Only a big man manages that.' 677 00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:59,519 How do you know when things are moving too fast? With a girl. 678 00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:01,239 Blimey.If you love her? 679 00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:04,919 Do you love her?She nicked one of my pens.That's serious. 680 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,919 Please. Just a bit more time. Chesney, no! 681 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,559 Plumber? Leak? 682 00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:16,319 That is our plumber. 100 quid and he'll hold your hand in Pizza Express. 683 00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:17,919 What the fuck are you up to? 684 00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,879 I'd be all right if you could choose how you go. 685 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,519 You're not going to die. 686 00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:27,519 What about your father?He was a doctor.Family of medics, eh? 687 00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:09,679 So you've converted to Judaism, 688 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,399 but you're having violent cravings for pork scratchings?God, yeah. 689 00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:17,399 I'll see what I can do. 690 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:27,400 www.addic7ed.com